Something I have constantly
battled with throughout this internship is the feeling of being useless. I am
always meeting people who have specific talents or capabilities they can offer
others. Like people who know all about public relations, or someone who knows
accounting, or someone fluent in a useful language, or someone who can do grant
writing... the list goes on. I love those types of people, I really do. They
help me, the people I love and the organizations I serve keep afloat but they
also fill me with insecurities when I let my armor down. What is my thing? What
skill or gift can I offer up? There is not a single thing to my knowledge that
I really feel like I have mastered. I know a lot about health yet cannot
perform diagnoses, or cut out tumors. I know something about the Middle East
but cannot hold a real conversation in Arabic. I know a few things about
creating "Program Plans" yet lack the creativity to construct one on
my own. A resounding prayer I cry out every day is simply "Jesus, where is
my place"?
I am pleased to say He sweetly answers every time "Your place is with Me".
Though I did not receive this until a few hours after World Relief, this scripture brought me so much peace. It is found in Philippians 3:10 and it begins saying "My goal is to know Him...". I really need to carve that into every area of my life- if my goal is productivity, if my goal is to please people, if it is to be impressive or even if my goal is to be as holy as possible- I would still be wrong. My goal purely needs to derive from a place where I am not straining to fix my eyes on Him, but where my goal is simply to know Him.
Today I was actually not able to teach my students English because they had to help move stuff into a new apartment for a new family. During my free time I did two things #1 I printed out a ton of paper money to teach them about our dollars and coins to teach buying and selling and #2 dreamt about the delicious lunch that was being cooked for me by an Iraqi family!
I meet this family because I was used to fill out certain medical forms for the Father, and had to ask him every question about his injury that one could think of. I feel a slight connection with this family because as I asked invasive question after invasive question I was able to see how traumatic and devastating the consequences of the car bomb are to every area of his life.
Our lunch did not start out like typical lunch meals. As we, I and two other World Relief employees came in and sat down, our host had something new he was excited to show us; his new fake leg! I have never been so happy to see a prosthetic leg in my life. It was beautiful! The ankle of the leg was springy to relieve pressure on the point of contact of his injured leg and the prosthetic. The foot of the leg looked like a real foot and he received a long gel covering that he could put over his amputated leg that would make the prosthetic a lot more comfortable.
You could tell he was truly appreciative, not full of bitterness and entitlement. In fact, he had really kind things to say about the gentleman who came to fit him for his leg. He told his case worker how gentle and kind the man was who was fitting him and said he almost cried when the man was massaging the hurting and sore areas of his amputated leg. No one had really touched him like that since the explosion. I could not imagine that feeling. It reminded me of the sorrow the leprosy colony in India faced once their disease was discovered and the gratitude they expressed after I cleaned their eroded feet. Nevertheless there really is something sweet about this man. I am sure he has his moments, and I know from our interviews, the dismal times he faces, but he is not characterized by this. Our lunch was full of two things: calories and ubiquitous laughter. He and his wife were hilarious together; they have such a funny dynamic. They teased each other and laughed the whole afternoon.
The only concern I had coming into lunch was how I was going to handle the food. Not because I am not accustomed to Middle Eastern food (I am far too accustomed actually) but because I have not had a meal full of meat since India two years ago when they fed me water buffalo. I have been a pescetarian for almost 4 years and limit my meat intake to seafood which typically is only a few times a week. It is not that I am an animal activist or a crazy health nut, I just do not really crave meat or miss it and I have gone so long without eating it that I just do not incorporate it into my diet anymore. Anyway, I was slightly concerned about how my body would react to the beef in the Dolma (eggplant, grape leaves, tomatoes, peppers, onions and cabbage stuffed with rice beef and seasoning) the Biryani (delicious rice with peanuts, veggies, spices and chicken) and Kibbeh (think of a homemade corndog but replace the cancer ridden hotdog with ground beef and spices). Everything was delicious- even for someone who does not eat meat. We started with Salada made of chopped cucumber, tomatoes, and cabbage with vinaigrette and then the biryani and dolma and kibbeh. The dolma was definitely my favorite. The woman I lived with in Egypt used to cook me Mahshi that is very similar to the eggplant dulma. They of course criticized the other American and me for not eating enough and encouraged us not to be shy and keep eating but we were beyond stuffed. Iraqis' eat much larger lunches then Americans are used to. Many eat a good breakfast, a huge later lunch and a small dinner.
After we insisted that we couldn't possibly take another bite we all moved to the couches for sweet Iraqi hot tea in beautifully designed dainty glass cups. We sat, laughed, shared stories, talked about our cultures and the differences between Iraq and America. We talked about the war and the deaths, corruption and past lives. They shared pictures of family members still in Iraq and I showed them pictures of my family. Their bashful daughter of 14 shared how she wanted to be a cardiologist when she grows up because her grandmother has a heart condition. It was really nice to be in an environment like that again. I almost chocked on my tea when I saw the men, not so gently, tap their spoons on their empty tea glasses while looking at the woman- clearly they were ready for more tea. She laughed at my gapping mouth and cheerfully filled up the glasses. It was not offensive at all in their culture and they comically expounded on the duties of the wife. I joked back that this is probably why I was not married yet because when I cook my boyfriend does the dishes- they chuckled at the thought of that.
Our time their ended with a 911 call because the apartment across the hall from them almost caught on fire. We jumped up when we hear the fire alarm go off and peer out the door as the thick smoke came billowing out of the apartment. The mother and young child ran out of the house and into the neighbor’s home and the fire department came, inspected, evacuated the smoke and assisted the mother and child also Iraqi. All was well. I think the stove was just left on with an empty pan on it or something, but the fireman told us that is one of the most common causes for house fires. Thank God everything and everyone was ok.
Jesus - thank you for simplifying my life today. I pray my goal remains to know You Lord. I lift up the workers at World Relief that have influenced my life and loved on me the last few weeks and ask You to give them endurance to serve others. I pray for the families that have joined us in our country and the ones to come and ask that we can be your hands and feet. Give us your heart for others Lord. *Amen*
I am pleased to say He sweetly answers every time "Your place is with Me".
Though I did not receive this until a few hours after World Relief, this scripture brought me so much peace. It is found in Philippians 3:10 and it begins saying "My goal is to know Him...". I really need to carve that into every area of my life- if my goal is productivity, if my goal is to please people, if it is to be impressive or even if my goal is to be as holy as possible- I would still be wrong. My goal purely needs to derive from a place where I am not straining to fix my eyes on Him, but where my goal is simply to know Him.
Today I was actually not able to teach my students English because they had to help move stuff into a new apartment for a new family. During my free time I did two things #1 I printed out a ton of paper money to teach them about our dollars and coins to teach buying and selling and #2 dreamt about the delicious lunch that was being cooked for me by an Iraqi family!
I meet this family because I was used to fill out certain medical forms for the Father, and had to ask him every question about his injury that one could think of. I feel a slight connection with this family because as I asked invasive question after invasive question I was able to see how traumatic and devastating the consequences of the car bomb are to every area of his life.
Our lunch did not start out like typical lunch meals. As we, I and two other World Relief employees came in and sat down, our host had something new he was excited to show us; his new fake leg! I have never been so happy to see a prosthetic leg in my life. It was beautiful! The ankle of the leg was springy to relieve pressure on the point of contact of his injured leg and the prosthetic. The foot of the leg looked like a real foot and he received a long gel covering that he could put over his amputated leg that would make the prosthetic a lot more comfortable.
You could tell he was truly appreciative, not full of bitterness and entitlement. In fact, he had really kind things to say about the gentleman who came to fit him for his leg. He told his case worker how gentle and kind the man was who was fitting him and said he almost cried when the man was massaging the hurting and sore areas of his amputated leg. No one had really touched him like that since the explosion. I could not imagine that feeling. It reminded me of the sorrow the leprosy colony in India faced once their disease was discovered and the gratitude they expressed after I cleaned their eroded feet. Nevertheless there really is something sweet about this man. I am sure he has his moments, and I know from our interviews, the dismal times he faces, but he is not characterized by this. Our lunch was full of two things: calories and ubiquitous laughter. He and his wife were hilarious together; they have such a funny dynamic. They teased each other and laughed the whole afternoon.
The only concern I had coming into lunch was how I was going to handle the food. Not because I am not accustomed to Middle Eastern food (I am far too accustomed actually) but because I have not had a meal full of meat since India two years ago when they fed me water buffalo. I have been a pescetarian for almost 4 years and limit my meat intake to seafood which typically is only a few times a week. It is not that I am an animal activist or a crazy health nut, I just do not really crave meat or miss it and I have gone so long without eating it that I just do not incorporate it into my diet anymore. Anyway, I was slightly concerned about how my body would react to the beef in the Dolma (eggplant, grape leaves, tomatoes, peppers, onions and cabbage stuffed with rice beef and seasoning) the Biryani (delicious rice with peanuts, veggies, spices and chicken) and Kibbeh (think of a homemade corndog but replace the cancer ridden hotdog with ground beef and spices). Everything was delicious- even for someone who does not eat meat. We started with Salada made of chopped cucumber, tomatoes, and cabbage with vinaigrette and then the biryani and dolma and kibbeh. The dolma was definitely my favorite. The woman I lived with in Egypt used to cook me Mahshi that is very similar to the eggplant dulma. They of course criticized the other American and me for not eating enough and encouraged us not to be shy and keep eating but we were beyond stuffed. Iraqis' eat much larger lunches then Americans are used to. Many eat a good breakfast, a huge later lunch and a small dinner.
After we insisted that we couldn't possibly take another bite we all moved to the couches for sweet Iraqi hot tea in beautifully designed dainty glass cups. We sat, laughed, shared stories, talked about our cultures and the differences between Iraq and America. We talked about the war and the deaths, corruption and past lives. They shared pictures of family members still in Iraq and I showed them pictures of my family. Their bashful daughter of 14 shared how she wanted to be a cardiologist when she grows up because her grandmother has a heart condition. It was really nice to be in an environment like that again. I almost chocked on my tea when I saw the men, not so gently, tap their spoons on their empty tea glasses while looking at the woman- clearly they were ready for more tea. She laughed at my gapping mouth and cheerfully filled up the glasses. It was not offensive at all in their culture and they comically expounded on the duties of the wife. I joked back that this is probably why I was not married yet because when I cook my boyfriend does the dishes- they chuckled at the thought of that.
Our time their ended with a 911 call because the apartment across the hall from them almost caught on fire. We jumped up when we hear the fire alarm go off and peer out the door as the thick smoke came billowing out of the apartment. The mother and young child ran out of the house and into the neighbor’s home and the fire department came, inspected, evacuated the smoke and assisted the mother and child also Iraqi. All was well. I think the stove was just left on with an empty pan on it or something, but the fireman told us that is one of the most common causes for house fires. Thank God everything and everyone was ok.
Jesus - thank you for simplifying my life today. I pray my goal remains to know You Lord. I lift up the workers at World Relief that have influenced my life and loved on me the last few weeks and ask You to give them endurance to serve others. I pray for the families that have joined us in our country and the ones to come and ask that we can be your hands and feet. Give us your heart for others Lord. *Amen*
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